Dear Sakura by Amazoness Duo and G.P. amazonessduo@hotmail.com pearsong1954@yahoo.com Dear Tomoyo-chan, Thank you so much for coming to visit! It was wonderful to see you again, and to be with you. I really had such a lovely time going to places in the city, and just talking about things. Tomoyo-chan, being with you means so much to me. When we’re together, I feel so content, as if my life is all full and doesn’t need anything else. It’s almost as if you’re a missing part of me, that I’m not quite complete without you. I’m sorry if sometimes I get sort of emotional. You’re so kind and patient. I always feel safe around you, and sometimes I guess my feelings just sort of spill out. But it’s always been such a help to talk with you, because I always seem to understand things better afterwards. So thank you, Tomoyo-chan, both for the trip and for all the years you have been my very best friend. The house seems terribly empty now without my pretty designer from Japan. I was going to clean up your room yesterday, but somehow I just got lost there, as if your sweet presence still lingered. There really wasn’t much to do, since you left everything so neat and tidy. But I guess I didn’t want to change anything. Not yet, anyway. So, the guest room is still Tomoyo-chan’s room. It will have to be patient for your return, even though it must be very sad that you have gone. Fanren-san and I had a really nice talk over tea yesterday. It seemed no matter where our conversation wandered, we always ended up talking about Tomoyo-chan. She wanted to know all about you from when we were growing up together. It was fun talking about all our adventures with the Clow Cards, and the school projects we worked on, and the field trips and just all sorts of things. When I think about all we went through together, it really is quite amazing. I tried to find some pictures of you to show her, but most of them were of me, or Syaoran. She was a little disappointed, and I promised to ask if you might have any pictures of yourself you could send. I would be happy to pay for any copies, because I would like to have them myself. Fanren-san says you are an exceptional person, and anyone who could capture your heart would be very fortunate, indeed. I told her about your special someone, and that seemed to upset her quite a bit. I almost thought she wanted to talk about something, but was keeping it to herself. Anyway, we both agreed that it would be wonderful to be Tomoyo-chan's true love! I was helping Ieran-sama with dinner last night, and she was very quiet. I thanked her for the beautiful banquet she held for you. It really was an amazing feast, and I know she thinks very highly of you. She looked at me, and I could tell that something was bothering her. I'm not sure what. She didn't say anything, except that I was cutting the cabbage too thinly. But I think that she misses you, too. At dinner, she had on the prettiest jade and gold earrings. I had never seen them before, and told her how nice they looked on her. She looked at me for the longest time, and finally said that, "Sometimes we don't notice the most beautiful things in our life." She was very angry, but I'm not sure why. Maybe I messed up something else in the kitchen. But after dinner I made a pot of her favorite tea, and also baked some almond cookies that I know she likes. She actually smiled at me when I served them, though it was sort of a sad smile. Tomoyo- chan, I think maybe you are right about Ieran-sama. I know she is unhappy about the marriage, but it doesn't quite feel like she dislikes me. I really did think at first that she hated me. But Tomoyo-chan, you wouldn't smile like that at someone you hate, would you? Sometimes it almost seems that she likes me a little, just not as her son's wife. I wish I knew people's hearts like Tomoyo-chan. You were always so wise about people, and how they felt. If it hadn't been for you, I don't think I ever would have been with Sayoran like this. If it hadn't been for you and everyone telling me, I don't think I ever would have known that I love him. Isn't that funny, that a person can love someone and not know it until everyone points it out? I guess I am pretty stupid about things sometimes. Gomenasai. I've been working on preparations for the new school year. There is so much to be done when you are starting out a new quarter. There are lesson plans, and assignments, and grading schemes, and you have to look over the medical records and past performance of the girls to figure out what they are capable of. And I never knew soccer was so complicated. Playing it was a lot easier than coaching. Our season starts in the spring, but I will do some practices with the team this fall. I have a notebook of plays from last year, but trying to figure out the diagrams with all of the X's and O's makes me sort of dizzy. Little Jung-chan said she would help, because she knew all the plays from her friend being on the team last year. She is a very bright little girl, and really has helped me a lot as an assistant. I wasn't going to mention this, because I don't want to bother you. But I have to talk about it with someone, because it still really upsets me. Something funny happened with Sayoran the night after you left. He was in a real bad mood, and very angry. I've noticed that when he is emotional about something, he gets short-tempered and moody. I guess we make sort of a funny pair, because he has trouble expressing his feelings, and I have trouble knowing mine. Anyhow, we sort of got into a fight again. I really, really hate that, especially with him. What he said I know he didn't really mean, but it still hurt to hear. I didn't want to cry, but I just couldn't help it. That made him even more mad, and he was yelling about me being a stupid woman and to stop crying. That's when I ran out. I walked around for a long time, but just couldn't stop crying. Then I noticed I had wandered into your room, and sat in the chair to calm down. The moon was up, and your little quilt just glowed in the beautiful, silvery light. It's odd, because it was as if you were still with me in that room. Tomoyo-chan, I could feel you there, comforting me and holding me close. I stopped crying, though my heart still hurt terribly. Then I saw something tucked under the quilt. You are going to laugh, but my first thought really was, "Oh, Tomoyo-chan left some of her clothing behind. I had better fly to Tomoeda right away and take it back to her!" But looking closely, I saw it was not finished. Also, it didn't look like it would fit you. That is when I realized it was a costume for me. Arigato gozaimasu, Tomoyo-chan. I know you meant to leave it, because it was folded so neatly, and tucked into your bed so carefully. It is so beautiful, even if it isn't done. I remembered all the funny little costumes you made for me when we were younger, and all the love that was stitched into them. Back then, I really didn't understand how special they were. Now, they are all my precious memories, because you made them for me. It was a beautiful present, and thank you for leaving it. But the most wonderful gift I have ever received was you, Tomoyo-chan. Maybe because we were so close for so long I didn't know. But now that you're gone again, I understand. I know the most amazing thing to happen to me wasn't the Cards, or all the magic, or even marrying Sayoran-chan. It was being with you. I fell asleep in your bed, hugging the dress you made for me. I felt better in the morning, so please don't feel sad. It was almost as if you were there with me, sharing sweet dreams all night long. Sometimes when I think about you, I get all hanyaan. And sometimes, I feel such a soothing peace that everything seems all right. Last night, your gentle spirit took away all the hurt in my heart. I guess this is what you meant when you said you would always be with me, even when we were apart. Thank you, Tomoyo-chan. With all my love, Kinomoto Sakura Dear Sakura-chan, I was so delighted to receive your wonderful letter in the mail. Now that you’re so far away, I find myself watching my videos of you even more often just so I can see you again. Your letters are always such a great gift because they let me know how you are doing now. I can hear Sakura-chan’s voice speaking whenever I read them, as if you were telling me these things in person. It’s very difficult not to look around the room to spot you. I have all of your letters placed carefully in the box with the eraser you gave me and your mother’s bouquet and your own for safekeeping. I’m afraid I’ll need a bigger box soon! Though they never stay in the box very long because I reread your letters nearly as much as I watch my videos of you. They have that wonderful feel of Sakura-chan that always managed to entrance me so. It never mattered to me that you were a girl. Everything about you was always so amazing that I couldn’t keep myself from falling under your spell even if I tried. Which I would never want to try anyway. Being near you, being your best friend was the happiest time of my life. You bring an energetic joy to the world that must be contagious. You’re the sun and the moon in my life, granting your beautiful light even in the darkest of nights. I’m so very glad for the time I could spend with you and I’m very grateful to have been a part of your life. Now that I watch through your life again, captured on videotape in the same way you captured Cards, I wonder if things might have happened differently if... But no, that really doesn’t matter. Like an excellently scripted shoujo manga, Magical Girl Sakura-chan has managed to not only save the love of everyone, but to capture the heart of the cute lead boy. I always thought the romance in those manga were the best parts, so I’m happy that Sakura-chan can have a fairy tale marriage. You have a beautiful life, Sakura-chan. I hope the next installment is even more amazing than the pieces I have in my VCR. Thank you so much for the exciting visit to Hong Kong. You were by far the best part of it. Even with it’s beautiful scenery and places to go, it still couldn’t compare to the splendor that is Sakura-chan. It was a very lovely trip and I don’t know how I could ever thank you for it. The memories will forever remain deep in my heart, filling me with joy when I look back on them. It was like a gorgeous dream to be able to see you again, to actually be a part of your new life for a short while. And here I thought I would have to wait till you were pregnant to come see it. Thank you again for such a lovely experience. I will carry it with me always. Now that I’m back in Japan, I find myself thinking of your smiling face constantly. But that’s not very different from how I used to be, so no one notices anything unusual. I told mother all about my visit and she was very excited about it. It was wonderful to relive all of the memories while I told her what had happened. I showed her some videotape of the trip, but I really hadn’t filmed much while I was there. That had surprised me because I had gone expecting to take quite a bit of video sense I wouldn't be able to see you again. Ieran- sama kindly gave me a videotape before I left so I was very happy about that. It shows more of me than of Sakura-chan, but mother didn’t seem to mind at all. She says I’m beginning to look quite a bit like your mother, Sakura-chan. I can tell from some of the pictures. She says that with how you and I act, we must have been switched at birth. She’s still a little angry at the person in my heart, but I know that she misses seeing you. You aren’t just Nadeshiko’s daughter, though she was always happy about that, but you’re a truly amazing person and she could see that as well as I could. I know my mother would love to talk to you again. If she ever says anything... Please don’t worry about her. Mother has been through a lot. I know that she thinks very highly of you. She always agreed with me that you were very pretty, genki, and sweet. I guess I shouldn’t worry about it because you probably won’t see each other again, but please know that you will always shine in her eyes as well as my own. Thank you for keeping the room as I left it, Sakura-chan. That’s very nice of you. It was such a lovely room. I think a piece of me will always reside there, a part of my heart remaining in Hong Kong to watch over you. But please don’t worry about keeping it as I left it. Life is full of change and I’m sure the room will serve other purposes someday. I don’t think I’ll be able to go back for quite a while as well, so you don’t have to keep it for me. I’m so glad you found the dress. I wanted to give it to you, but I didn’t know what to say about it. Words can be such a difficult thing sometimes. It’s so much easier when you speak your heart. Which is something that I always loved about you. You always did speak your heart, even when you didn’t fully understand its intentions. It was always so cute to see you when you were speaking passionately about one thing or another. That fiery blush of yours always matched the fiery determination in your eyes, making you look almost ethereal in your beauty. And you would always come through, accomplishing what you set your heart to, even if it wasn’t exactly what you’d intended. Sakura- chan, I’m so glad you’re married. I’m so glad that you have embarked on this new voyage in your life. I wish you only the best throughout it all. I hope that you can have beautiful children and that your life is long and fulfilling and blessedly happy. That is my fondest wish and one that I will always pray for. Even if I become nothing more than a distant memory in your life, I will still pour my heart into those wishes for you. Please be happy, Sakura-chan. Because even this far away, I never want you to ever have to be sad. But back to the costume, I just didn’t think it was right to finish it. I wanted your wedding dress to be the last costume I made for you. It felt more fitting that way. So I apologize for leaving you with a half finished costume. But I wanted you to have it. Perhaps as a reminder or when you used to run around as my pretty Cardcaptor. You always looked so gorgeous in the costumes, but you were what brought out the beauty in them. They came alive when you wore them. You were already so beautiful that the costumes were just an accessory to the image. I hope you like the dress, even if it isn’t finished. Please take good care of it. And yourself, Sakura-chan. I enclosed some pictures of myself along with another videotape to help with your cooking. The recipe on this tape is a little more complicated, but I made sure to explain everything as well as I could in it. I’m sure by now you will be able to make it perfectly. Just remember to throw in a pinch or two of love to give it a little of your own touch. If you go at it with the same burning determination I’ve seen in you countless times before, then I know this will taste exquisite. The camera angles might be a little awkward because Chiyomi (one of my bodyguards) hasn’t used a camcorder before, but she’s a quick learner, so it gets much better a few minutes into it. I looked around for some pictures of myself to send, but it turns out that most of my pictures are of Sakura-chan. I finally went and had some pictures taken and I’ve put those with the letter. Mother teased me about becoming a model like your mother, but I think I’ll stick with toy designing. I always enjoyed being behind the camera much more than being in front of it. Like with the plays we were a part of and your Card capturing, I felt much more comfortable either behind the camera’s lens or working on the costumes. Even with my singing, the crowds were never my favorite part. But I just loved being able to pour out my feelings in song. Which is probably why I used to sing to myself when I would work on your costumes. Anyway, I hope that you and Fanren-san can use the pictures. Writing about this has reminded me of a few pictures I carry of you in my purse. I’m looking at the one I took of you holding the King Penguin statue right now. You were so adorable in it! I’m glad that you and Fanren-san could talk. She is a very straightforward person, so I’m a little surprised that she didn’t tell you what she meant. She helped quite a bit with the banquet and my time in Hong Kong in general. She is a very warm and very kind woman. I received a letter from her a short time ago which I’m going to get back to tonight (I’m writing this during my lunch break. Mother and I are having lunch at a very nice restaurant. She’s on her cell phone right now so I decided to write back). She and I had a lot to talk about. She must get her perceptiveness from her mother, even if they don’t act much alike. I would say she’s like the older sister I never had, but I don’t think she’d like the example. That doesn’t exactly fit either. I’m very glad that she and I managed to talk while I was there. Yes, the person I love is an extremely amazing person. I’m very happy that everything has worked out for them. I’ve come to a few difficult decisions lately. I don’t think I’m going to see them anymore, Sakura-chan. I love them so much that being around them is almost overwhelming. Being a part of their life and watching them in love is very difficult. I should be happy for them. And I am happy for them. But part of my heart longs for them terribly at times. If I stay in their life, I think it will be too much for me. I don’t think I could handle it. And if they find out my feelings, then it will ruin things. Both their memories of me and the life they have now. So I’m going to quietly slip from their life. I will always love them with every bit of my heart and soul, but I don’t think I can stay any longer. It’s a very painful decision, but I think it’s all I can do now. I will always have my memories of this wonderful person. And one day I would like to be their guardian angel, to watch over them as they continue forward in their life. I know that Ieran-sama can seem a bit harsh and distant at times, but she is a very loving woman. She wants what is best for her family and for those she cares about. You have to remember that she intended for Li-kun to marry Meiling-chan. And with the structure of the Li Clan and life in Hong Kong, that has caused her some difficulty. And aside from that, she has other concerns as well. I talked to her for a bit and it seems that she worries quite a bit about you. But she doesn’t hate you, Sakura-chan. I can’t think of anyone who could ever hate you. I think she’s merely concerned about you. As time goes by, I’m sure she will warm up to you as a member of her family. Li-kun was always afraid of her, but his sisters seem to think of her very differently. Sense you are Li-kun’s wife, you are placed in a similar position to Li-kun. But as time goes by, I’m sure that the two of you will grow much closer. She seems to have a very loving relationship with her daughters. In time I believe she will come to see you as one of them. By the way, how is Meiling-chan doing? The last I had seen of her was at the banquet. I hope that she is doing better now. She must still be upset about Li-kun. I can understand, even if she and I took different paths in regards to the ones we love. She reminds me a bit of my mother, so I worry about her. Both are very strong, outspoken women who let their emotions show through easily. That also worries me about you, Sakura-chan. I know how angry my mother is with your father and I don’t want Meiling-chan to be that angry with you. The new school year must be very busy for you, especially if you’ll be doing cheerleading as well as your normal classes. But I’m very excited about it, even if I won’t be seeing it. The thought of Sakura- chan teaching talented young girls about cheerleading warms my heart. I always loved watching you when you were in your cute little cheerleading uniform, practicing all sorts of moves and chants. The little show your girls put on for me was amazing. It reminded me of all the wonderful things you used to do. I’ll have to go watch my videotape of you cheerleading when I get home. I’m sure that with Jung-chan’s help everything will flow nicely. Her interest in soccer is probably based on her friend, but my interest in cheerleading was based on you, so I’m sure she paid plenty of attention to what her friend did, at the very least. Please be careful with her, Sakura- chan. I think she’s very much in love herself. I’m very glad that you’ve been keeping an eye out for her. I think she may need it, especially as time goes by. Oh, Sakura-chan, I am so sorry that you got into another fight with Li-kun! I feel so awful every time the two of you argue. And I’m afraid that this might be my fault. I know that Li-kun can get very jealous about things, like with you and your brother when it came to Yukito and Eriol-kun when it came to you. I noticed that the two of you didn’t spend much time together during my visit. You see Li-kun everyday, but this had been the first time you had seen me in quite some time, so it made sense that you would spend time with me. But he must have felt like I was trying to take you away from him or that I was wasting all of your time. I’m very sorry, Sakura-chan. I never wanted to cause any trouble for the two of you. I can send him an apology if you would like. I want the two of you to be as happy as possible. I don’t want there to be any waves in your beautiful marriage. I’m very glad that I could help, even if I wasn’t there. You’re very important to me, Sakura-chan. You’ll always be in my thoughts and in my heart. I wish I could have been there with you, holding you all night long. But I’m glad your dress was there instead. Even if it’s unfinished, it’s still filled with love and care. I’m so happy to hear you say that I was the most wonderful gift you have received. That makes my heart sing and makes me feel so warm inside. Thank you so very much, Sakura-chan. Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me. You were a sparkling angel in my life that lit my life with the brightness of your heart. I could never forget you or imagine a life without the fond memories that you have bestowed upon me. Sakura-chan, thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for all of the wonderful moments that I can dream about. Thank you for being you, Sakura-chan. Even if we’re far apart, even if our letters suddenly stopped, I will always be with you. Because my heart will always call out to you. You friend forever, Daidouji Tomoyo