Dear Sakura by Amazoness Duo and G.P. amazonessduo@hotmail.com pearsong1954@yahoo.com Bbbrrrrinnng.... Bbbrrrriiinnng.... Bbbbrrrrriiiinnng.... Tomoyo rolled over in her sleep, her long dark hair covering her pale form like a sinuous shadow. She stirred as the phone continued to ring at her in the silence, finally sitting up in the darkened room. She was lying on the couch in her little home theater room, a video of Sakura still playing in the background. She was still wearing her busines clothes from the day before, not having had the will to change out of them. Her tired mind quickly located the source of the ringing and she slowly reached out for the phone. Who could be calling her at this hour? Her fingers paused just before touching the phone as if it had suddenly become a venomous snake, its ringing the deadly rattle of a beast about to lunge out and bite her. She was filled with a deep and foreboding dread at who may be on the other end. 'Leave it. You can pretend that you were asleep. It's late and no one will mind,' she thought to herself. But she knew that she couldn't do that. Whoever would be calling this late at night must have a terribly urgent reason. She couldn't just ignore it. "Moshi moshi..." Tomoyo heard herself say, but the voice didn't sound like her own. It was cracked and pained, as if it still held countless unshed tears. Her fingers trembled as she held the phone to her ear, brushing back dark hair that got in the way. Her dread was growing by the second as she waited for what felt like an eternity for an answer. For a second, she felt the beginnings of relief begin to brush lightly at her bruised and battered soul. It must have been a wrong number. But her relief quickly turned to mute horror as an all too familiar voice answered her. "Tomoyo-chan!!" an uberly genki voice called out. "Tomoyo-chan, I was so worried. I couldn't get through earlier and I didn't know if you would be there or not. I just... You see, I was in the garden and... Well, remember how you kissed me?" A giggle before she continued. "Well, I finally... Ummm... Can I come over?" Sakura sweatdropped on the other end of the phone. She felt like a guilty schoolgirl asking permission to go over to a friend's house to do anything but study. That thought was silly and awkward for her, but she couldn't help it. Being back home had felt almost like she had travelled back in time. She hadn't been in the house more than a few minutes before calling the Daidouji household. She could hear Touya making tea in the kitchen and silently thanked her older brother for all of his help. The phone clattered to the floor, dropping from Tomoyo's numb hands. She stared at the deadly viper that had indeed reached out and bit her. How could it be Sakura? Her letter couldn't have gotten to her already, could it? Tomoyo wasn't even completely packed yet. She hadn't planned on moving out for another two days. And how could Sakura be in Tomoeda? She should be in Hong Kong at that very moment, snuggling with her husband. This was wrong. This was all wrong. It completely shattered Tomoyo's painstakingly crafted plans to fade from Sakura's life as well as her mother's. She felt trapped, caged in on all sides by imposing iron bars. How could she escape her torment if Sakura would not allow it? "Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura's voice asked, concern tinging her exuberance. Tomoyo realized only dimly that Sakura had been waiting on the other end while the phone had lain uselessly on the floor. She reached out slowly, picking up the cold plastic once more. Her eyes flickered to the screen that was still showing her beautiful second cousin flying through the air like an angel. The angel had finally come for her, and she had nowhere to flee. She searched desperately for her soft voice, one that had served her well for years as a member of the choir, but was frustrated to find it having suddenly gone missing. What disturbed her even more was that she had begun crying moments earlier and hadn't even realized it. Wet tears slipped past her cheek and against the telephone as she held it tightly. She briefly remembered the cute pink cell phones that she had gotten from her mother to stay in contact with Sakura. They had been a wonderful tether for the two girls, offering Sakura with a constant link to her loving and supportive friend and giving Tomoyo a link to the beautiful girl of her dreams. It had been a wonderful thing for both of them, giving Sakura a way to always turn to her best friend and Tomoyo a way to bask in Sakura's presence even when they were far apart. It had worked so well, in fact, that Tomoyo had given Syaoran one of the cute cell phones so that he and Sakura may be able to share that same bond. Hadn't that been the start of all this? No, no... The start of all this had been the gift of a small eraser a lifetime ago. "Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura repeated, this time listening intently for her best friend. She thought she could hear short, ragged breaths, as if someone was short of air, and what sounded like sniffling. "Tomoyo- chan?" 'She can't hear me like this. It will ruin everything. She'll never let me go if she knows how I feel. And it will destroy Sakura-chan's fairy tale. Her beautiful new life will crumble. All because of me. I can't do that to Sakura-chan. I can't stay because I... can't... handle... it....' Tomoyo thought frantically, her shaking fingers quickly wiping her tears away. It did little to soothe the cold and broken shards of her heart. 'If I stay, it'll kill both of us, Sakura- chan. I can't be a part of your life anymore. Seeing you, loving you, knowing that I can't be a part of your heart, it's killing me. It's killing me and I won't let it kill you, too.' When she finally spoke, her voice came out weakly, a pale shadow of it's normal gentle self. It sounded sorrowful in Tomoyo's ears and she immediately cut herself off, closing her lavender eyes tightly. 'Hang up!' part of her cried, but she knew she couldn't. Sakura was like the Syren from long ago, luring her towards grave dangers that she couldn't force herself to escape from. She needed to answer Sakura. And soon. But she didn't know how. If Sakura heard her crying, then her farewell letter would be for naught. Sakura would know the pain that resided in her heart and they would both be doomed. With a supreme effort, the pale ghost of a girl gathered the splintered shards of her masks, cutting her soul in the process as she pulled them up for one final act. But would they be enough? Were these tiny shards enough to hide the pain she was in? "Sakura-chan..." her soft voice whispered into the phone. The pain was still glaringly evident in Tomoyo's ears, but she hoped that the brunette wouldn't hear it. The ocean of tears underneath her voice's surface wasn't gone exactly, but it was muted, as if a large tarp had been thrown over it. The auburn haired girl on the other end of the line sighed in relief. She had thought that the line had disconnected or that, even more irrationally, Tomoyo had finally made good on her words. 'Goodbye,' echoed through Sakura's mind in Tomoyo's sweet voice, surrounding her like a sad song from long ago. It anchored Sakura's heart with painful chains and hooks. But Sakura struggled forward despite the immense weight on her heart. She was here now. Tomoyo couldn't leave or fade away. She would finally fulfill her promise. 'I knew Sakura-chan would come and rescue me,' Tomoyo had said an eternity before. And Sakura had finally come to rescue her fair skinned damsel in distress. "I'm here, Tomoyo-chan," she said again, not noticing that she was speaking out loud. She blushed slightly, but continued on. "I'm glad to hear you. I was so worried about you. I got your letter in the mail today... well, yesterday... Anyway, I got your letter and I had to come see you. Tomoyo-chan..." her voice caught in her throat as she blinked back crystal tears. "I don't want you to go. I need you, Tomoyo-chan. I need to talk to you. Right now. I'm going to be over in a few minutes, okay? Just unlock your window and I'll be there as soon as I can," the Cardmistress said quickly. Sakura was too flustered to sleep, her heart's recent revelation too much to keep inside for herself. It longed to be offered up as a gift to the woman who had been there for Sakura every step of the way through her life. But she couldn't do that over the phone. Words weren't Sakura's strong point. She always went on her emotions. She couldn't even understand her emotions half the time. But she knew that the woman on the other end of the phone knew her emotions perfectly, as if she could read Sakura the same way others read a good book. She had the eye of an artist, but one that was attuned to the human soul. No one else understood her like Tomoyo. No one else could hope to. But there was one thing that even Tomoyo hadn't been able to uncover. The glistening love that lay shrouded in the curious mists of Sakura's heart. Now that Sakura had finally understood it, she wanted to go to her gentle best friend and to tell her the deliscious secret she had learned. Of course, she didn't know if Tomoyo would accept her tentative offering of love or even how she would react. The eccentric young woman held so much love in her heart that its depth felt endless and all encompassing, like a warm, deep ocean. She knew that much from the love Tomoyo had always showered on her. It may have been embarrassing at times, but Sakura would never have wished it away. In fact, being without it during her months in Hong Kong had felt like she had been exiled to a barren and empty desert. She knew that Tomoyo's warm and giving heart had a very special someone at it's core, but she knew not who that person was. She only knew that if they couldn't love her dear, sweet Tomoyo, then they were undeserving of the lavender haired woman's boundless love. And Sakura would try her hardest to take away all of Tomoyo's pain, to love her with all of her heart. She may not be Tomoyo's special someone, but she would more than try to make up for it. She would love Tomoyo with all of her heart and soul and try to make everything, for once, all right. Tomoyo didn't know how much time had gone by as she sat on the floor of her room in the dark, her legs curled under her and her tearstained eyes still focused on the moving images of Sakura on the screen in front of her. Panic consumed her, a viscious monster that had snagged her in it's fangs. Her clothes were only half packed, her airplane tickets not for another two days. Sakura had caught her in the midst of her plan to fade away from her life, and like a breath on a house of cards, it all came tumbling down. Sakura couldn't come now, not with the state she was in. It was all Tomoyo could do to clutch onto the few remaining shards of the illusions she used to hide her pain from those she loved. If Sakura saw her.... "Sakura- chan... I can't see you... Not now. Today was such a long day and I can't keep my eyes open much longer." And it was true. She couldn't keep her eyes open without tears cascading down her pale cheeks. Blinking in confusion, Sakura listened to Tomoyo words once again in her mind. That didn't sound like her happily eccentric best friend. She knew that Tomoyo had stayed up quite often on costumes or videotapes and the like. Besides, Sonomi was the businesswoman in the family. She was the one who threw herself into her work. And even then, she would throw that aside when her daughter needed her. And there was something else as well, as if there were little broken ice crystals in Tomoyo's voice, threaded through the lavender haired woman's melodious voice. This took Sakura completely by surprise. She hadn't thought of the possibility that Tomoyo might not be ready for her to visit as soon as she reached Tomoeda. She was almost as shocked by the lack of Tomoyo's usual embarrassing comments. No 'Sakura-chan's lovely voice is like a dream', 'All of Tomoeda must be ecstatic to know that Sakura-chan is back again', or even 'Isn't Hong Kong missing Sakura-chan's beautiful face?'. They had always caused such a flurry of emotions in her, but the lack of her best friend's adoring remarks left her in silence. Covering the phone as she choked back a sob, Tomoyo tried desperately to think. She couldn't let Sakura see her like this, teary eyed and broken. It would crush the energetic Cardmistress's spirits. She was like a shattered China doll lying upon the floor. Wasn't it better for Sakura to think that her favorite China doll was simply elsewhere than finding it broken and smashed? Pulling together the last bit of her strength, Tomoyo could feel her tears burning at her eyes as she kept her voice as level and soft as she could. Her tattered heart heaved in her chest as she hung onto her crystalline mask shards until her soul cried out. "Sakura-chan needs her beauty sleep so that she will be gorgeous and genki when the morning comes," she said at last, and was relieved to hear it sound as obsessive and adoring as ever. That seemed to relax Sakura on the other end of the phone, calming some of her worries for her dark haired friend. Sakura sighed, hugging her knees to her chest as she held onto the phone. "Are you sure, Tomoyo-chan? I... I really want to see you." She had been waiting so long. Ever since they had said farewell at the airport, Sakura had been longing to see her friend again, to hold her, to love her, and to kiss her. To make sure that things would truly be all right. That feeling had become even stronger since discovering the love within her for her blue eyed friend. Tomoyo had been all she had thought about on the flight out and the ride home. Things like her marriage and what would happen when they met failed to concern her. All she knew was that she had to be with Tomoyo again. To lose herself in the sweet scent of her long, luscious hair. To feel her gentle embrace, and her warm lips. She wanted to give Tomoyo her entire heart, to offer it on a beautiful platter of silver and emeralds. What Tomoyo would do with her gift was entirely up to her. But Sakura knew that she had to give her most precious Christmas present to Tomoyo soon. The dark haired woman waited in silence for a long moment, trying to regulate her breathing. This was even more difficult than when Sakura had complained about the butterflies in her stomach while Tomoyo had helped her into her wedding gown. That had been a very traumatic experience for the young heiress. Helping Sakura into the intricately designed and lovingly crafted dress, her own heart pouring out to the auburn haired woman as she tried to soothe Sakura's worries over marrying someone else had been one of the hardest moments in her life. Part of her had wanted to confess her love right then, to stand up after helping Sakura with her stockings, to look her in the eyes and tell her 'You don't have to be afraid, Sakura-chan. I love you.' But even that now seemed like nothing compared to this bitter struggle with her emotions. She knew that she had strings around Sakura, that she had since they had been small children. Sakura was so loving, so trusting, and she had such faith in Tomoyo. Tomoyo knew that she could use that to manipulate Sakura like a marionette on it's strings. Sakura would listen to whatever she had to say, always trusting her dark haired friend. But Tomoyo had never used that for her own gain. Well, aside from getting Sakura into her costumes and videotaping her. Tomoyo's gentle heart would not allow her to use Sakura in such a way. So she had merely used her influence on the brunette to gently nudge her heart in the right direction, to help her through all of the obstacles life placed before the Cardmistress. She now had to try and keep Sakura from coming to her, though the longing in the brunette's voice broke Tomoyo's already shattered heart into further pieces. Taking a deep breath, Tomoyo fought back her tears as she continued. "It really has been a long day, Sakura-chan, especially if you've been on a plane for so long. Please get some rest. When next I see Sakura-chan, I want to see her emerald eyes sparkling happily as she laughs with joy." Sakura smiled softly as she held the phone to her ear. Just hearing Tomoyo's voice made her feel better. "Yeah, I guess you're right, Tomoyo-chan. I can wait till the morning. That would probably be better anyway. I have a lot I need to tell you." Slumping back on the bed, Sakura moved an athletic leg into the air as she yawned. It really had been a long flight. And it would probably be better if she could actually decide what she wanted to say to Tomoyo. Not that she was ever very good with such things. As Tomoyo had told her before, she should simply speak her heart. She nodded in silent agreement to her best friend. She would speak her heart when she saw Tomoyo the next day. "Okay. Thanks, Tomoyo-chan. I'm so glad to hear you again. I really missed you. Please sleep well, okay? I'll see you early tomorrow." "Sweet dreams, Sakura-chan. Dream of the most beautiful angels," Tomoyo's soft voice whispered quietly on the other end. And with a slow click, she was gone. Lying back in bed, Sakura stared straight up. She wasn't looking at the ceiling so much as she was looking through it, as if it wasn't there. She had wanted to see Tomoyo that night, but the lavender haired woman had made sense. Besides, it was better for Tomoyo to hear what Sakura had to say when she was rested. Sakura, on the other hand, was pretty sure that she couldn't sleep. She had slept off and on during the plane ride and in the car with Touya. On top of that, her mind was still buzzing with excitement over being back in Tomoeda, of being so close to realizing her hearts secret desires. The thoughts of once again basking in that sweet love that she had taken for granted during the years she and Tomoyo had been friends sounded exhilerating. She let out a warm sigh. "Hanyaan..." It had always been there, but she had overlooked it as something that would forever be a part of her life. Now she knew that Tomoyo was its source, the reason behind so many of her happy childhood memories, and throughout her adolescence. Tomoyo had bloomed like a gorgeous flower, and like a beautiful gardener had coaxed Sakura into becoming a very pretty young woman, always nurturing her heart and soul with a warmth that Sakura could search the world over for and never find again. Sakura felt blessed to have grown up with such love in her life. But if Tomoyo's heart belonged to another, to her special someone, then how would she react to Sakura's declaration of love? Would it bother her? Would Tomoyo put her down gently? Or would she be happy to simply be loved by someone for once in her life? And just who was this special person anyhow? Tomoyo had first mentioned them when they had only been ten year olds. And yet she still spoke of them with the same passionate fervor she had always shown for this mysterious person. So it had to be someone that Tomoyo had known for years. Someone who had been close to her, always there in her life throughout all of that time. Someone who Tomoyo thought could never love her back. Sakura sat bolt upright in bed, her emerald eyes wide as a sudden realization hit her. She ran down the stairs two at a time, almost running full tilt into her older brother as he finished up the tea. "Oniichan!! I know who Tomoyo-chan's in love with!" Touya turned around in surprise. He hadn't expected Sakura to find out so suddenly on her own. Especially after all the hints Tomoyo had dropped over the years and the one's he himself had been dropping since the two had turned fourteen. That she would finally come to that conclusion after all of this time stunned him. "You do?" he asked curiously, holding the two tea cups with the grace that years as a waiter, among other things, had afforded him. Sakura nodded energetically, her short hair flying about her face. The young woman looked seriously focused, as she could often get when faced with a particularly difficult problem. She sighed, blinking her emerald green eyes. She wasn't too happy about it, but at least she knew. "Tomoyo-chan's in love with one of her bodyguards," she said at last, her shoulders slumping. Staring at Sakura for endless minutes, Touya slowly raised an eyebrow. Handing Sakura her cup of tea, he ruffled the younger woman's hair. "Good try, monster, but you're going to have to try a lot harder than that if you're going to figure out who she's in love with." Sighing, the sleep deprived older sibling made his way upstairs. "Hoe.... Why is this so hard?" Sakura asked herself in the empty kitchen. Figuring out Tomoyo was certainly a lot more difficult than understanding the Sakura Cards. She would have argued with her brother, but she simply wasn't in the mood. Taking a sip of the flavorful tea, she wondered idly just what she was supposed to do for the next... five hours, if she left at eight in the morning. A sudden idea struck her like a lightening bolt. Grinning, the Mistress of the Cards made her way upstairs. "Not where is it?" she asked no one in particular as she sifted through her bag. She smiled at the Cardcaptor Sakura keychain that Tomoyo had had made for Sakura's thirteenth birthday that lay hanging on the side. It was one of a kind, the design of the superdeformed Sakura completely Tomoyo's while Sonomi had it crafted by her company. She pushed it with a finger, watching it swing back and forth like a pendulum. Shaking her head, she went back to searching and within moments pulled out the object of her search. Tomoyo's half finished costume lay unfurled before her, it's dazzling design obvious even in that early state of completion. Tomoyo had always been making such beautiful things for her. It seemed a shame that Tomoyo's final costume design was never to be finished. She understood that Tomoyo had wanted her last design for Sakura to be the wedding dress, so the lavender haired woman thought it unnecessary to finish this final costume. So if Tomoyo couldn't finish it, Sakura could. Smiling to herself, Sakura ran to the other room to get the supplies she would need. Sewing wasn't exactly her forte, but she had sewn a yukata for Syaoran and she knew that if she tried hard enough, she could finish what Tomoyo had begun. It wouldn't be as lovely as Tomoyo's delicate work, but it would finally be finished, putting to rest at least one of Sakura's worries. This was their work, both Tomoyo's and Sakura's. She wanted to show it to her best friend. After all of those years of wearing Tomoyo's costumes, blushing all different shades of red with the bizarre yet captivating designs, this would be a combination of both of their hearts, every stitch lovingly etched into the beautiful fabric. Clasping her hands together determinedly, Sakura got to work. Clutching onto the teddy bear Sakura had sewn for her as a farewell present, Tomoyo rocked gently back and forth, whispering a lullaby that her mother used to sing to her when she was a little girl. Icy tears dripped down her chin, falling onto her little stuffed bear named Sakura. She held it tightly, sobbing quietly as the phone lay haphazardly a few feet away from her. "I love you so much, Sakura- chan... Please forgive me... I don't know what to do, Sakura..." she whispered tearfully into bear Sakura's ear. Her whole body felt cold, torn apart by countless thorns that snaked around her heart. "Please help me..." But no one would come and save her. Not even her darling Sakura could save her from the darkness that surrounded her now. If the brunette came for her, they were both doomed. Sakura's happy life would be ruined and Tomoyo would never be able to survive watching Sakura so closely like that, unable to be with her. An even darker thought that crossed her mind was about what Sakura had been struggling to say on the phone. What feelings did Sakura have for her? What feelings did the Cardmistress understand now? Did she know of Tomoyo's love for her? Which meant that Sakura's marriage, her beautiful marriage, the child she hadn't yet had, the whole life that lay before her was in peril. And all because Tomoyo had failed to fade out of Sakura's life properly. "Sakura-chan, what am I to do?" Tomoyo asked hopelessly, pressing her tearstreaked cheek into the soft material of the teddy bear.